


Another Case of Surviving

by Raelae



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Flashbacks, Other, paternal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 15:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5972137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raelae/pseuds/Raelae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*SPOILERS FOR LATER IN THE GAME*</p>
<p>Taking place a few short days after Ellie's confrontation with David in the cannibal town. </p>
<p>She's trying her hardest to try to push past the experience, but every night the nightmares return, and she remembers it all, including that face...<br/>Joel tries his best to bring the girl he's gotten use to back, not wanting her to go down a path she may not be able to find her way back from. Doing so may make him have to say things he never wanted to talk about, but he needs her to be alright again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another Case of Surviving

Three days on, and she still couldn't get the events of that day out of her head. Honestly she wasn't sure anyone would have been able to, something like that didn't just leave your mind because you willed it to.  
She had tried so hard over the last few days to at least try to pick herself even minutely off of the ground, but she was finding it immensely difficult. And she felt horrible about it, because she felt like she was dragging Joel down with her.

She could tell he had wanted to talk with her about what had happened, that need to protect her strong in him. But all she could give him was silence right now. She was just too emotionally broken to do much else, even though she wanted so much to talk with Joel about it. But she was afraid she'd just break and cry if she opened her mouth, and her stomach turned every time she thought about it, which was just about all the time, so her stomach was in constant turmoil.

Sleep was worse though. You can't hide in sleep, for sleep is often the one thing to betray you most. And this night was no different than the last few, the moment again repeated in her mind.

It came in flashes at first, one part of her mind fighting with the other to try and protect her from the anxiety the memory was causing, but the part of her mind that was trying to get her to deal with it won out. And soon the flashes became vivid pictures, just like they always did.

The fight itself was terrifying in enough, but she knew as long as her legs kept moving, that she had a chance. She had forced herself to move through the fear, through the thought that she was on her own, she couldn't just hide and wait him out because he wasn't leaving...and no one was coming for her. Joel was still out back in the ramshackle house, and god only knew if he'd ever wake up. She was on her own, she either had to escape, or kill him. The third option she refused to even voice in her mind.

She held her own pretty well in the old restaurant, sneaking around the walls and the booths, taking pop shots when she could and then quickly ducking away before he had the chance to zero in on her. Not really much damage she could inflict though just chucking bricks and bottles in his general direction. She knew she needed to get close enough to use her knife. But that involved silently flanking him, and this David guy was smart. Ellie knew as a man who hunted other people, that he would know exactly how a scared human would act. Just like any other hunter tracking an animal through the woods, you learn their patterns, train your ears. And she knew he'd already gotten her pattern down since they had to fight in such a confined place.

The fire licking at her heels made things worse, and she knew she couldn't draw things out much longer or they'd both burn up in here. She was sure the choking smoke that was slowly engulfing the area would be the first to get them though. Or her at least. Kids could only take so much after all, and she knew the smoke would get to her first, he'd only have a bit longer before it got to him, but it would be enough to carry her passed out body away for sure.

She knew she didn't have much of a choice here, and so decided on her plan to flank him, jumping on his back when she could and jabbing him with the knife. 

She got a few lucky shots but, in her rush to just take him out, she missed the vital points entirely. But at some point, though she could barely remember it, they both ended up passed out on the floor.

She had been the first to wake though, and almost instantly her survival instincts kicked back in. She started to crawl across the floor, seeing the large blade underneath a booth across the room. All she had to do was get to it and she could…

Her thoughts had been cut off there as David had found his feet again and gave her a good kick to the gut. He went on talking, like most cliché killers do, but she paid him no mind. She just kept crawling, fighting through the pain until he just took hold of her.

She vaguely remembered him saying something, and sort of remembered telling him 'fuck you'.

Then he was on her, talking again, hands tight around her neck. Again she didn't quite register what he was saying, her survival instincts in overdrive now. All she knew was that there was a whole new fear building in her, and it was screaming for her to do whatever it took to get this freak off of her.

Her head was starting to spin, her brain so depleted of oxygen that the very real possibility of her passing out was eminent.

It all happened so quickly at this point that it was almost a blur. She fought against the blackness that was growing along the edges of her eyesight, struggling and reaching as best she could till she felt the hard grip in her hand. She wasted no time after this, yanking it out and swinging it, connecting with his arm.

He grunted and rolled off of her, but she gave him no chance to move again as she shifted atop him now and swung the blade down. She repeated this over and over, yells of fear and anger ripping out of her with each swing she took.

She didn't hear the words from behind her at first, someone calling out to her. She just kept swinging, his face near unrecognizable at this point.

Arms were around her suddenly, and her panic grew as she fought against them.

“No! Don't fucking touch me!”

The arms were persistent though as they pulled her from atop of David, turning her so she faced him, hands gently placed to either side of her face.

“It's okay. It's me. It's me...it's me. Look. Look. It's me.”

Through the haze in her mind, and the blur of unshed tears in her eyes, she finally set her vision on his face. At first she wasn't sure she believed it, thought for a moment that her oxygen deprived mind was making her see things. But the look on his face was very real, as were the hands gently trying to calm her. It was him. It was Joel.

She started to loose it at this point, just blurting out the first thing to come to mind. “He tried to...”

“It's okay now.” He said, not really wanting to hear the rest of that sentence anyway. The look on her face told him enough.

He kept talking at this point, saying something but Ellie genuinely heard none of it. She just saw the concern on his face, guessing whatever he was saying was soothing. Or at least trying to be.

He pulled her to her feet after that, pulling her from the burning building and refusing to let her look back at the bloody scene behind her.

 

Like every other time, she woke with a start, sweat beading on her forehead. Usually she just tried to gather herself, not wanting to wake Joel, but it was slowly starting to wear on her so she instead got to her feet and walked out of the room.

They had left that cannibal town behind, neither wanting much to do with it anymore. Course they had been forced to wait the blizzard out first, as they could hardly see a damn thing. But when they finally did leave, she got a good look of the bloody mess strewn about the town. Most the bodies were covered with mounds of snow by this point, but you could tell they were there, the blood sprayed around them a testament to that. If it wasn't the snow that was stained with blood, then it was the walls of the surrounding buildings. She hadn't kept track of who she had taken out but, she knew it hadn't nearly been that many. She realized in that moment just what Joel had done in his rush to find her. He had more than likely taken out the whole damn clan just to find her.

And that lead them to where they were now, what looked to be some old game wardens cabin in the woods.  
She stood outside of it now on the small porch, leaning over the rickety railing. Her stomach was turning again and she felt like she was going to be sick at any moment. The fact that it felt like the world was spinning didn't help matters.

She took a few deep breaths as she held her head over the railing, trying to calm her mind and stomach. Slowly, both did start to cooperate with her and she slowly stood straight again, looking ahead into the darkness. After everything that had happened, she couldn't help but wonder what was in the darkness. And she wasn't wondering about Runners, or Clickers, or Bloaters or Stalkers at this point. But about the humans who could be so much more demented.

She sighed, trying to remind herself something good had come of that day as well, Joel had woken up. He hadn't left her like so many before. She winced as the memories of Riley, Tess, Henry, and Sam floated through her memory. She had almost added Joel to that list. She had almost been left very alone in a wilderness that was very much unsafe.

Tears welled up again and she let out a choked breath as she brought her hands to her face, trying her best to wipe them away. There was no place for this in this world. Tears did no good to anyone out here, they just proved you could be broken. Problem is, after all that, she was truly broken.

“...Ellie?”

She hadn't heard him at first, just settled her eyes forward again and stared off into the darkness.

“...baby girl?”

“...” Finally she turned around, her mind not completely all there yet.

“...are you alright?”

“...uh...yeah. Yeah, I'm alright.” She said at last, lying through her teeth of course. Joel didn't buy it for one minute and she knew it.

He said nothing to her comment though and just walked closer, stopping next to her and leaning gingerly on the railing.

“...you know...I always took this kind of thing for granted.”

“...what?”

He gestured towards the forest that surrounded them. “All this. Never put much stock in it before, it was just something that was there. But now...the smells, the sounds...” He stopped as right on cue an owl hooted in the distance.

“...” She looked at him for a moment before leaning on the railing again as well, careful so as not to make the thing give way under their weight. “I guess they're alright...”

He glanced at her, still hearing that defeated tone in her voice. She had tried to hide it at first but, he noticed over time that she just quit trying. Tiring her out he supposed.

“...look...sometimes we don't like to talk about the things hurtin us but...we gotta if we want to...get better...”

“Joel...” she said as she backed off the railing, turning from him.

“Now Ellie hear me out...this kind of thing...it hurts now but it can destroy you if you let it go on.”

“...I know you're trying to help Joel, I get it. And it could have been worse...I can't help but think about that but...but that's the problem. I think about it. And the more I think about the more it hurts and the more disgusted I fucking get. That piece of shit he...he...” She shook her head and moved over to the small set of steps that lead off of the porch, sitting on the top one. “...he was cold Joel...cold and calculating. He tried at first...tried like...he wanted me to join them or something. I wasn't fucking sure at first if he meant it or if it was just one of his fucking plans...”

She sighed as she realized she had just given in even though she had adamantly told herself she wouldn't speak of it again. But she had gotten this far so she guessed she should just keep going. Joel was probably right after all, it could help, even if it was only a tiny bit.

“...I didn't know what to believe, if he was really trying to be nice and save me from the others or just using it to weaken me. In the end I just felt like he was just trying to keep me calm and fatten me up for a meal later...” She shuddered at that thought.

“...” Joel moved and sat down next to her, looking down at her with concerned eyes. “Coulda went either way I suppose. These guys...they ain't like those Hunters we faced before. They count on anyone and everyone. All the more towards the success of the hunt...” He drew up a distasteful look at what he was saying. “It's possible he was trying to recruit you, maybe not. But all that don't matter much. Don't need to be mixed up with their kind. What they do is survival sure but...it's not the kind of survival anyone should find solace in taking. And it's obvious they got to be a messed up bunch...seems to me they got more going on there than just...eating people...”

“Yeah...I kinda got that impression...”

“But you...you did real good back there baby girl. You held your own real well despite everything they threw at you...I just...I wish I coulda been there for you. I felt...I feel...like I let you down. None of that woulda happened if...”

“Joel...don't. There's nothing you could have done in your state...and it's not like we knew this would happen...”

~'Knew it was a possibility though...'~ He kept his thought unvoiced though, not wanting to add to the things she was already facing.

“Regardless...” He said at last, “Wish I coulda been faster...” His hand unconsciously landed on his abdomen, touching where his wound was.

He had been so utterly amazed by her as of late. She had somehow got his ass to a safe place, managed to patch him up and obviously get medicine from god knows where. And then sat there, probably scared and alone watching over him, hoping he wouldn't die.

He scowled a bit, he wanted to try to protect her from this for as long as possible. Sure didn't work out that way.

“I just...I just want you to be okay again baby girl. I know it ain't gonna be easy...but if you gotta talk, I don't want you holdin it in. And don't fret about it bothering me or nothin cause it won't. That last thing in the world I want is for you to be hurtin.”

“...man. What the hell did I do to you old man.”

“...old man huh? We really going there?”

“I just...don't want you to feel obligated to look after me. I know when we started this...”

“When we started this I was just a grumpy 'old man' pissed off at the world. I hated this whole damn thing, and everything it took from me...but...” He paused, looking down at his hands, rubbing a thumb over some of the rough callouses riddled on one. “...I was wrong...to go around blaming everyone else for my losses. Or to...shove people off cause I was scared of losing them...you can't stop loss Ellie...we'll all face it in the end. But that don't mean...we should waste what we got when we got it. It took me forever to let Tess in...and when I lost her I felt like I was cursed...that I'd lose anyone I touched...”

“I...I thought we weren't talking about...”

“If I'm asking you to talk...only right I should do the same...”

She nodded and let him continue, occupying herself with a loose strand on her shirt.

“...I partially blamed you for that...and I'm sorry.”

“She only died because you guys took on smuggling me. Why wouldn't it be my damn fault?”

“Cause it ain't. You didn't ask for any of this. You didn't ask to be this...all fired cure for the world. You were thrown into this as much as we were...and you paid as much for it.”

Silence filled the space between them now, both saying more on personal matters than they had before. For the first time Ellie felt a bit uncomfortable with it, not use to Joel being so open or so...down. He looked like a man who'd been kicked so low that no amount of climbing was going to get him out.

“...I thought I was done for...” She said at last, keeping her eyes to the strand of thread she was messing with. “I was sure he was going to kill me. At that point I was hoping he would rather than...” She paused and shook her head. “Those Hunters that tried to kill us before...even they didn't scare me as much as he did. It was like...he had no emotion. Only time I saw any was when I pissed him off. Otherwise he kept this cool demeanor...just talking and talking like he had complete control over the whole thing...which he kind of did...”

“He thought he did.” Joel said, carefully reaching down and tilting her chin up. “But you showed him he was dead fucking wrong. And he was fucking wrong to even think...he could...do that to you...and in the end he got what he deserved for trying.”

“...why are people like that…?

“I don't know baby girl...there were people like him even before all this. And now that there ain't no rules...it's worse. But that will not happen again. Ain't no way in hell I am ever going to let anything like that happen to you again. Understand?”

“...what's that mean then?”

“...” He pulled his hand back and stared ahead into the darkness for a moment before speaking again. “Suppose that means...you're stuck with me. You ain't gonna be alone again. When we finish all this business with the Fireflies...we'll head back to Tommy's or something. Me and him still have things to work out and...well families gotta stick together right?”

“...family huh?”

“Heh, whatever you want to call it. Don't mind that right? Going back?”

“No...I don't mind. Just glad that...you want me to stay...”

“...” He frowned, looking down at her again. “I don't handle pain well...”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“Heh, let me finish huh? I didn't mean what I said back at the ranch...I'm really sorry for all that, and I'm sorry for...trying to leave you behind.”

“I get it Joel...I know why...I just...hurt being treated like that...”

“...I didn't mean it. I just...staying with you meant...” He let out a long sigh. “I didn't want to risk watching you die like I had to...watch Sarah...every day with you meant it was a possibility. Shipping you off was...being greedy on my part...”

“...what have I done to you?” A small smile crept up on her face, but no where near the ones she could give. Joel was happy enough for that small one. He knew it'd take her quite a while to fully recover, and he was sure he would be dealing with a quiet Ellie for quite a while but, it was worth it as long as he could see she could in fact heal.

“...not much. Just brought the old me back out a bit I recon.”

She looked at him for a moment, eyes red and irritated looking from the unshed tears. “I can't stop...dreaming about it. Every fucking night...I see that fucking shit heads fucking face...”

She was starting to break, her shoulders shaking as she tried to control herself.

He made a move to hug her but paused, he was still afraid to try, as any other time seemed to cause her to flinch away uncontrollably. Not her fault, but it pained him to see it. She was better with it long as she saw it coming, so he waited for permission.

She gave it by leaning into his side on her own, finally breaking down. He slid his arm around her, trying to fight back his own set of tears. No one should ever have to deal with shit like this, especially a kid.

“It's okay baby girl...just let it all out.”

He marveled at just how much trust she had in him, even after all this. Everything they had gone through together played a pretty big part in that. And he really couldn't lie to himself any longer, things had changed between them on this journey. She sure as hell wasn't his daughter, but that didn't mean she couldn't be.

It was something they could deal with down the road, when all this was over, if she wanted to. He'd pretty much be looking after her anyway so he may as well just call himself a father figure at best for her. An all out father if she was okay with it later.

For now though, he was going to keep her moving, keep her from lingering on the bad few days. Get her back on her feet and prove to her that there was still a lot of good in this world, even if he had only now realized it himself.

It took him a bit to realize the sobs had stopped and he looked down at her, tilting his head a bit to get an angle on her face. She had it thoroughly buried in his side, so there wasn't much to see.

“...Ellie…?”

“I'm okay...just...tired now.”

“Come on then. We got a long road ahead of us still.”

“...afraid to sleep...keep seeing that face...”

“...” He thought for a moment, wondering what else to say. “Well...guess you can think of it this way...he ain't got a face no more, you fucking made sure of that. Think of it that way...hard to remember a face that ain't there no more...” He winced a bit, wondering if that really was the best thing to say at the moment.

A small laugh from his side eased his fears a bit. Even if it was a bit morbid to hear a fourteen year old girl laugh at something like that.

“Yeah, guess so.”

“Come on baby girl, bed time.”

She nodded and let him help her up. They went back inside without another word, but both with renewed strength.

**Author's Note:**

> Been going through this game again as of late, and decided I want to do one or two things with this one as well.
> 
> Anybody else wish they could have beaten David's face in themselves?


End file.
